


Propriety, and the Possibilty of Love

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-21
Updated: 2008-02-21
Packaged: 2019-05-31 09:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: He never once turned her away, even when he barely had the strength to beg her to stay.





	Propriety, and the Possibilty of Love

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: This is not my usual CJ and Leo but I loved this idea. Sometimes good ones still come to me. The proposal are words from the movie Shadowlands, written by William Nicholson. I shook them around a bit but wanted to give credit where it was due.  


* * *

“Leo, can I talk to you?”

“Come in Josh. What do you need?”

His Deputy came in, closing the door behind him. He seemed to hover over Leo’s desk and did not look as if he was going to sit. The White House Chief of Staff sighed…this could not be a good development. Everything lately had been insane. What else would he add to the mix?

“Something is not right with CJ.” Josh said.

“I'm sorry?” Leo took off his glasses, rubbing his weary eyes.

“I wasn’t even sure if I was going to come to you because I didn’t want it to seem as if I was tattling or something. I'm concerned though, and I didn’t know who else to talk to.”

“Well, sit down. My neck is sore and I do not want to watch you pace back and forth.”

Josh nodded, sitting in the chair. For a while, he did not say anything; Leo did not like the silence. If he was coming to him this was something. Leo knew him well enough to know that. 

“I've noticed over the past two weeks that something wasn’t right. She seems rundown. She has been tired, sluggish, snappish…that sort of thing. She is pale and looks sick, at least I think she does. Donna came to me and said she was sure CJ was throwing up for at least three days. I thought flu season was over but other people are sick and…”

“What?” Leo found he was sitting on the edge of his chair waiting for more information.

“Well she was really ill at Thanksgiving. I know that was months ago but when she came back she jumped in with both feet and we have not really had a break. CJ never had a real chance to get better. I don't know.” Josh shrugged. “I could be grasping at straws but I was concerned.”

“Have you spoken to CJ?”

“No. She’s…I never want her to think that I think that she can't handle things. We've shown doubt in her ability lately, and I think the behavior was both unfounded and unnecessary. I don’t want CJ to think we are ganging up on her, but I also don’t want her risking her health to seem invincible. This is what I chose to do.”

“Alright.” Leo rubbed his eyes again, putting his bifocals down on the desk. It had been a stressful few months and they were all rundown. “I will handle this.”

“How?” Josh asked.

Leo gave him the look and the younger man backed off.

“Don’t worry Josh, I will talk to CJ. If she is unwell then it is in everyone’s best interest that she gets better. Thank you for expressing your concern.”

Josh nodded. He stood and went over to the door. He was a bit confused but was not sure why. Leo would handle it; he always did. CJ was going to be fine. Even if she did not want the help, they would give it to her. It was not a sign of weakness to need a boost from your family.

“What time is she closing the lid?” Leo asked.

“Seven thirty. Tomorrow is Friday…she has handled everything important for the week.”

“Yeah.” Leo hoped that were true. He was so not in the mood to be blindsided. They had made it through the trip to LA and Larry Posner’s party two weeks ago. The Press Secretary was amazing as always and he heard rumors about lucrative job offers from her old stomping ground. Leo looked at his watch…seven fifteen. He would get a look at CJ before he decided how to proceed with this situation.

***

“CJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Leo’s here.”

“OK.”

Leo walked into the office just as CJ sat in her chair. She fed her goldfish before chugging on a bottle of Gatorade.

“You looked a little sluggish out there tonight.” He said.

“Is there a problem? Did I make another mistake or something?”

OK, Leo thought taking a deep breath; it was going to be one of those evenings. He pushed the door closed and walked further into the office.

“You were great CJ, just sluggish. Is there something wrong?”

“Nope.” She shook her head.

“Well I noticed that you seemed off-kilter.” He actually had not noticed and felt bad enough about that. There was no point dragging Josh and Donna into this though. If she wanted to get angry at him, he could handle it. Josh was right though, she looked unwell. One had to concentrate to see it but it was there. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“Nope.” She repeated.

“Look CJ, we don’t need to go 12 rounds. I don’t have to strength and I refuse to. I am also not the only one who has noticed. You were quite ill over Thanksgiving and though that was some time ago, you jumped in with both feet when you returned. There has not been a moment to breathe between now and then. Spring is going to be even more insane with Midterms right around the corner. I need you at 100%.”

“Please make your point Leo.”

“Take the day tomorrow. You can use the three-day weekend to rejuvenate. I wish I could give you more time but under the circumstances…”

“I don’t need a three day weekend.” She said. She actually needed a two-week vacation but now was not the time to bring that up. “I'm fine. I am no more tired than anyone else who works here. I don’t think giving me special treatment sets a good precedent. People may start to speculate and talk Leo.”

“I don’t give a damn what people speculate about and this is not special treatment. You are the face of this Administration, up on a podium three or four times a day. If you are dragging then it shows. Henry and the rest of the staff can handle a Friday. Seriously CJ, I hate to pull rank but I don’t want you in the building tomorrow.”

“Fine. Is that all you needed, sir?”

Leo’s jaw tightened. He hated when she did that, became formal and distant with him. She knew it pissed him off; she knew what she was doing. They did not need that kind of monkey wrench right now. He was the boss though; he would take her lumps like a man.

“No, that is not all. You are going to the spa on Saturday and you are going to enjoy it. Since you already intend to poke pins in my voodoo doll when you get home, I may as well go all the way.”

Leo pulled his wallet from his back pocket, took out his black Amex, and placed it on her desk.

“I can afford my own spa day.” she said through clenched teeth. She was angry but too tired to lash out. The idea of spending an afternoon being pampered was perfect. Being pampered on Leo’s dime was even better. It would not solve her problems but it would give her a much needed boost of energy.

“Fine.” She took the credit card. “I don’t want to fight either Leo. The lid is closed, so…”

“Right. Goodnight CJ.”

“Goodnight.”

***

The first thing CJ did when she returned to her condo was change her sheets. She put on her favorite tee shirt sheets and her grandmother’s quilt. Then she stripped naked, staring at herself in the full-length mirror. The sad part was she had lost a bit of weight recently…it was obvious on her six-foot frame. CJ slid into her silk bathrobe, put Annie Lennox in the CD player, and ran a hot bath. She put lavender bath salts in the water before lighting scented candles around the tub.

It was better to let it sit for while; she did not need third degree burns. There was a cigarette on her nightstand so she lit it. She only took two puffs before putting it out. She also sipped on a small glass of wine. Once in the tub, she wet her rag, folded it, and put it over her eyes. The day was over, and according to Leo, so was the week. She did not need to be treated as if she were fragile but if she was honest with herself, she was days past exhaustion. 

Even fully recovered from her Thanksgiving illness, there had been plenty to keep her busy since then. Christmas, State of the Union, the Supreme Court nominee, India and Pakistan, Lillienfield, and then LA. That didn’t count the little fires and four or more press briefings a day. There was no use rehashing all of it, it had come and gone. CJ did her job and she did it well under some insane circumstances. She would have to slow down eventually, there would be no choice. Right now, it was better to sip her wine, hum Train in Vain, and pretend CJ Cregg had a simple life.

***

CJ walked from her bedroom, down the hall to the front door, and looked through the peephole. Oh God, what was he doing there? She looked at her watch to check the time and realized she was not wearing one. It was her day off; she didn’t need to know what time it was. Mid-afternoon was the best she could guess. He knocked again so she took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Hello.”

“Leo, what are you doing here? First, tell me what time it is.”

“2:52.” Leo replied, looking at his Bulova. “May I come in; I would prefer not to talk in the doorway?”

CJ nodded, asking him again what he was doing there before he was even over the threshold. She closed the door.

“I bought you some of the beef stew you love from The Monocle. I thought it would brighten your day. You look better than you did last night.”

She still looked pale and tired though. Leo did not want to study her too hard…CJ did not like to be scrutinized. She angered even more when it was Leo so he tried not to do it. He thought she would talk to him if she was not feeling her best but he guessed he was wrong. It would not be the first time or the last.

“When I came in last night I went straight to Annie Lennox and a hot bath. It works wonders. Thank you for the beef stew.” She took it from him.

“It wasn’t a problem. The four walls were closing in on me so I thought I would get out for a little walk. There is nothing like a nice walk on an almost spring day.”

“You walked here?” CJ asked.

“It’s not that far.”

“What about your knee?”

“That only bothers me when the weather is bad. I feel fine and actually…”

“I'm pregnant.”

Leo stood there staring at her. He knew he was staring, he was aware, and should probably have looked away but where would his eyes possibly go? So he closed them; Leo closed his eyes and tried to think of something to say. Now was definitely not the time to say something the staff called Leo-like. That would be very bad.

“I thought it was a cold again, or something.” CJ said. “My symptoms were similar except I was even more rundown and nauseous. Then I missed my cycle. I don’t miss that ever…I'm on the pill. Hell, I should probably get off birth control at my age. I'm on the damn pill and I'm pregnant. I bought the test as a joke, figuring I could be secure in ruling that out. Imagine my surprise when the plus sign stared me in my face like an accusation.”

“These things have false positives.” Leo finally sputtered. “A false positive is possible.”

“Yeah, it is. Not often, but it is. Anyway, do you think I would be announcing it if I didn’t know for sure. My GYN told me right before we went to LA.”

“How far along are you?”

It looked like they were going to have a conversation. CJ hoped to avoid that but that was a bit ridiculous. She did not want to have it standing in the foyer so she walked to the living room. Leo followed, sitting beside her on the couch. He repeated his question.

“Seven weeks now. I need to go back for an ultrasound on April 20th. I will be entering my second trimester then and I'm going to start to show soon. This is not television drama Leo; I won't be able to hide behind files and strategically placed furniture.”

“Yeah.” He nodded slowly.

“There is going to be backlash from this that the President does not need. I'm pregnant, I'm single, and I am on television every night. Dan Quayle is going to love this. I love my job but we have enough we are fighting for right now. I brought this on myself and I am prepared to live with the consequences. Well, I am not quite prepared but I am getting there.”

“Brought this on yourself? Don’t talk like that…it was not an immaculate conception. Two tangoed and two will deal with the fallout.”

“Its been barely two months since you stood on a podium and admitted an addiction to alcohol and Valium. Hell, as brave as you were all it did was head Lillienfield and Claypool off at the pass. They could still declare hearings…they can do whatever they want. They are still harping on the White House staffer drug thing. Even if all of it is BS, 24-hour news outlets will pick it up to fill time. The papers hate to be trump by TV so they will run with it too. Then the tabloids and the late night brigade will jump into the game. Do you really want to go back out there and say ‘oh by the way, I was also banging the Press Secretary and accidentally knocked her up.’?”

“I will say whatever I have to say, CJ. There is no way I am going to let you stand there and take all the heat…it’s not right.”

She nodded but said nothing. It had probably been the last time they made love, in the midst of one of Leo’s darkest hours that they created a life. It was hard to call what she and Leo had a relationship. They spent time together, never complicating it further with titles or dictionary definitions. It began late last summer…CJ invited him for dinner the night his divorce was finalized.

Leo was a divorced man, and her friend, she found nothing improper about the invitation. Neither of them intended for anything to happen, even as they began to enjoy more late night dinners. CJ enforced the ‘no politics’ rule and it just grew from there. Soon it was movies at her place, and Sunday morning breakfast at the Watergate. The first night they finally made love was magical.

They acknowledged quickly that it was probably in everyone’s best interest not to make that activity a habit. Leo tried to keep it as platonic as possible but found it almost impossible to stay away from her. It wasn’t just the sex; with CJ, he did not have to be Leo McGarry. She was witty and engaging with the most amazing laugh. CJ would needle him; force him out of his box as he gripped it with both hands.

He teased her too and laughter was a key ingredient when they were together. Even when he tried to push her away during the Lillienfield mess, CJ would not let him go. She gave him space but would occasionally show up at his suite with a classic film on video and the promise of a few hours of escape. He never once turned her away, even when he barely had the strength to beg her to stay.

“I don’t know how this could work. This could not possibly work.”

“Do you not want to keep the baby?” Leo asked.

“Oh my God, no, the thought never entered my mind Leo.”

It had, for a split second. CJ had already been through that kind of experience and she would never do it again. She wanted her child.

“Then we do what we have to.” he reached for her hand. “I will sit down and talk to the President. I will do it tonight. We won't be able to keep it from the staff for too much longer.”

“They are going to be in shock.” She mumbled.

“You haven't confided in anyone? I know sometimes women do.”

CJ shook her head. She talked about it with her oldest and dearest friend, Kate Ritter, because she could not keep everything inside. No one in Washington knew; both she and the Chief of Staff did a good job of keeping the affair under wraps. Until now that is.

“I guess it’s a press statement. The Chief of Staff and Press Secretary have been in a personal relationship since…lets say October of 1999 and he has asked her to marry him. CJ is pregnant with the couple’s first child.”

“Marriage!” she exclaimed, pulling her hand away. “Marriage! Leo…”

“I know this is sudden and…I know its sudden.”

“It is very sudden. We can't just…marriage!”

“I am open to other suggestions. You want to do this alone; you want to pretend I am not the father? Do you want to say that its someone else’s baby?”

“Of course not. I would never say anything like that. I have never been married before so forgive me if I don’t like the idea of some shotgun wedding in my 30s. I always thought I would marry for love and happiness. I want my damn fairy tale. I deserve it just as everyone else does.”

“You don’t think I could make you happy?” Leo asked.

“With a marriage of convenience because I'm pregnant? A possible eight year contract because neither one of us is allowed to walk away while President Bartlet is in office. A very public marriage because of our jobs. I'm sorry but that’s not sounding like the picture of bliss.”

“I care about you, Claudia Jean. I…”

“What?”

Leo took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face.

“I understand if you could never love me, but I assure you that I could, and do love you quite deeply.”

CJ was stunned. This was all too much. None of this was supposed to happen to her. She was not supposed to be swirling around in an episode of As The White House Turns. Well, not the special pregnancy episode. Maybe this wasn’t even Leo she was talking to, but his evil twin. Her head was beginning to swim and she needed to eat.

“I'm hungry.” She said, for lack of anything else.

“You should eat the beef stew. I know this is a lot to take in. I'm a bit shell-shocked myself. I will leave you alone for a little while. I think it is better to inform the President of this quickly. We both obviously need some time to let it all sink in.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Leo, I…”

“Don’t, you don’t have to. We really have talked enough for right now. I know you probably want to say things, and I want to say more but we can wait. I would like to wait.”

“How long?”

“I will come over on Sunday afternoon. You are still having your spa treatment tomorrow, right?”

“It’s at one and I will be gone for a few hours. Come back in the evening and we will have dinner. I don't want to wait until Sunday.”

“Alright. I can bring you whatever you want.”

“I will let you pick.”

“You never let me pick.” Leo replied.

“See, I can be flexible…sometimes.”

“Yeah.” Leo’s smile was rather pitiful. “Alright, I'm going to go. Will you walk me out?”

They walked to the door holding hands and wondering what would happen after today. Their lives would never be the same, unfortunately that would not just be for the better. This was going to be a story. What kind of story depended on CJ’s ability to spin. The woman was talented but they were about to find out how much so. She would take the brunt of the shit, as usual, and Leo felt so horrible about that.

“Goodbye Claudia Jean.” He leaned and kissed her cheek.

“Bye.” Stroking his face, CJ opened the door and let him out. So many words were on the tip of her tongue; she felt as if the weight of them would send her crashing through the floor. There would be a time for the conversation so she closed the door and went to the kitchen to make lunch.

***

“CJ? Claudia Jean? CJ Cregg, White House Press Secretary?”

“Mr. President…”

“I'm just trying to make sure I have it all right. I was not exactly expecting to hear something like this. I have to make sure I am keeping up.”

Leo had taken the President over to the Residence to break the news. It was probably just as bugged as the West Wing but Leo did not feel comfortable talking about his sex life in the Oval Office. It seemed in poor taste. He couldn’t even believe he had a sex life. He would be better if this conversation never had to take place but they were past that point. Now was the time to man up.

“Claudia Jean Cregg, sir.”

The President of the United States sat down in a chair in his sitting room and looked up at the Chief of Staff, his best friend.

“How did it happen?”

“I think you know…”

“I mean the whole relationship Leo. I think I am clear on where babies come from.”

“She asked me to have dinner the night I signed the divorce papers. She didn’t want me to be alone in my hotel room. I tried to beg it off but CJ was persistent. I went and had a wonderful time. Soon we started seeing each other once or twice a week, I guess. There was nothing sexual about the relationship at the beginning.”

“When did that change?” Jed asked.

“I'm not answering that sir.”

“I can assume that she did not get pregnant on your first night together.”

“You can.”

“And you are going to marry her because it’s the right thing to do? CJ does not deserve the wrath of the so-called righteous.”

“It is most definitely the right thing to do. Still, I want to marry her because I am in love with her and this is my chance to have a family. I can right a lot of the things I did wrong.”

“You were a good father to Mallory.”

‘That’s debatable sir.”

“No, you…wait, did you just say you were in love with CJ?”

“Yes sir.” Leo nodded.

“For how long?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t exactly been marking off the days on a calendar with hearts. I started contemplating it, admitting it to myself, around Christmas. She was there for me when I was more alone than I have been in a long time. I told her some things and she handled it. CJ is so strong, and even more loving. I don’t know what the hell she sees in me sir. I want to marry her and maybe this incident was putting the cart before the horse but I doubt I would even have the courage to ask her otherwise.”

“Did she accept? Is she in love with you?”

Leo was quiet. He slid his hands into his pockets and started to pace the floor.

“I have not asked her to marry me.” he finally said. “I gave her a scenario; something to sell to the press. I don’t think she wants marriage but anything else would be very tough for her job.”

“I stood by you through a storm, Leo and I will stand by CJ. That kid is going to have a lot of godfathers.”

Leo grinned. God, he was going to be a father. Everything else that happened after the revelation almost caused him to forget the best news of all.

“I think the point is that we do not need another storm. Anyway, some people, even those close to us, are going to be quite upset when they find out. Our relationship is not exactly proper.”

“What makes it improper?”

“I am her boss. You know they are going to say she slept her way to the top. They could even start to speculate and gossip about things still happening when I was with Jenny. The press never needed a reason to run with something. Sadly, the truth does not sell as many papers as it used to. We could end up on Page 6 or in the damn Enquirer. They are going to slam CJ for this and I will take another lashing. Hers will be worse though, and my anger about that is limitless.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

“Toby is going to be unbearable.”

“How is that any different than last week? I think under the circumstances staffers’ feelings will take a back seat to more pressing issues. Is she in love with you?”

“I don’t think so. CJ…I know that she cares for me. She is not that kind of woman sir; we would not be sharing a bed if she did not have some kind of affection for me. I don’t think its love and I know I scared the hell out of her when I even mentioned the word. I just left because she looked as if she was going to be ill. We will see each other again tomorrow.”

The President nodded. He would have to sit and talk about this with Abbey. Leo and CJ…he had no idea. It seemed as if they had very little in common. Of course, he did not know CJ’s whole life story. He did not like the thought of CJ having to raise her child alone, but a marriage of convenience would be no better. Leo could still be a father to his child…she would never shut him out. Oh my God, CJ and Leo were having a baby. Jed Bartlet was sure he could pinch himself and everything would be as it was.

“I tried that sir.” Leo watched him pinch the back of his hand. “This is not a dream.”

“Just checking.”

***

He wanted to call her that day but knew she needed space. She was also scheduled to spend a few hours at the spa. Leo did not want to disturb her as she tried to get her energy back. There was work to do at the White House that morning, and he spent his afternoon running errands before picking up dinner. Leo didn’t know how CJ’s appetite would be so he settled on B. Smith’s. She loved their barbecue chicken and macaroni and cheese. 

There was a bounce in his step as he went up her stairs and into her building. Once inside, Leo was struck by fear. He stopped, took a deep breath, and shook it off. No matter what happened tonight, it would not change his feelings for her. It certainly would not change the fact that he was going to be a father again. Oh boy, wait until he sat Mallory down and told her that. Wait until her mother found out.

“What did you bring me?” CJ asked.

She smiled as she opened the door, the beauty and radiance of it caught Leo. It enveloped him; he could not help but return the gesture. It felt like any other night when he showed up at her condo or she at his suite, with food and conversation. The tension of the night before seemed to have faded with a deep tissue massage and a facial.

“Soul food.”

“Macaroni and cheese?” she moved to allow him entry.

“Of course. I forgot drinks though.”

“That’s OK, there should be enough Diet Coke in the fridge.” She took the bag and walked into the kitchen. “Take off your coat Leopold.”

“OK.”

He put it in her closet and slipped out of his shoes. In the kitchen, Leo helped CJ put the food on plates. They went into the living room and sat together, eating for a while in silence.

“Mmm...” CJ closed her eyes. “Oh my God, this is sooo delicious.”

“How was your afternoon?” Leo asked.

“Wonderful. I had a deep tissue massage, a hot rock treatment, a mud facial, a mani and pedi. Then I had the most delicious organic salad. I should schedule that kind of thing at least every couple of months…it will set me straight. I bet you worked all afternoon.”

“Not all afternoon.”

She saw a faint hint of a smile cross his features. CJ poked his chest.

“I will tell you one thing Leo McGarry, when we are man and wife you are sleeping in on Saturdays. You're a workaholic and that kind of behavior is not healthy.”

“What did you say?”

“I said you are a workaholic and that kind of behavior is not healthy. I'm sure I don’t have enough power to keep you home all day but I can keep you in bed until at least nine a.m. I have my ways, Mister. And hell, that’s not really…”

“Stop. CJ, stop.” He put his finger on his lips. “OK, workaholic, not healthy, 9am, I heard that part. I need you to repeat the first part.”

“I said when we are man and wife you are sleeping in on Saturdays.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I would like to be up to make pancakes for my favorite girl.”

“Mmm, I think that will be OK.”

“You're going to marry me?”

“No.”

“What? Oh God, don’t tease me, I can't take it Claudia Jean. You just said…”

“Leo, where I come from there is um, this quaint little custom. When a guy makes up his mind to marry a girl, he asks her. It’s called proposing.”

“I've heard of it.” Leo replied.

“Did I miss it?”

“Oh shit.” he laughed. “I am so bad at this and that is probably not the best way to start the speech.”

“I don’t need a speech.” CJ said.

“There are a few things I want to say if you would permit me.”

CJ nodded. She even stopped focusing on her nearly empty plate to give him her full attention. Leo took her hand in his.

“I am in love with you. I was trying not to be because I knew it could lead to some trouble for us but that didn’t really work out for me. You are vibrant, beautiful, funny, and you make me smile. You have crept into the shadows of my life, filling them with light. I could not resist and I tried. I have failed as many times as I have succeeded in this life CJ. I wish that I could promise you a life of indescribable bliss. I cannot do that because I am not sure. What I am sure of is that I love you and I will never stop. This is so hard for me.”

“You're doing fine.” She whispered, stroking his hand.

Leo nodded, though he knew it was time to shut up. If he kept talking, surely he would stumble, fall, and ruin it. There was much more to say but he hoped for many years to express his feelings.

“Alright, I’ll shut up and do what I need to do. Claudia Jean Cregg, will you marry this foolish old man, who needs you more than he can bear to say, and loves you though he hardly remembers how?”

“Oh Leo, yes. Yes.”

He pulled the box from his inside jacket pocket and opened it. CJ was expecting something beautiful; she was not disappointed. It was four carats, princess cut, with two-carat center stone and one carat baguettes on each side. Set in platinum, she did not even want to think about how much money she would be wearing on her finger everyday for the rest of her life. They had not even picked out the wedding bands yet. Leo slipped it on and it fit perfectly…never would she know how he picked the right size.

“It’s beautiful.”

He pulled her into a passionate kiss. CJ sighed in his embrace. There were things she wanted to say too. A million words formed in her head but she could barely form a few sentences. She was overwhelmed and it showed. 

“I love you too Leo. I'm not just doing this so that Dan Quayle won't call me names. I want my fairy tale.”

“A fairy tale for the new millennium.” He replied, kissing her again.

They wanted to forget for tonight all the things they needed to do. Press statements, telling the staff, and telling their families would be a very big deal. Still, they were both consenting adults and this was what they wanted. Better to deal with the fallout now instead of later. Neither was ignorant…there would be fallout. The Republicans would make waves simply because they could. It was hard for CJ to think about political mudslinging when Leo’s lips took possession of her neck. 

“We do need to talk about some things.” CJ said, stroking the back of his hair. “The parts that aren’t romantic and fun.”

“I know, baby. Is it alright if we ignore that for a few hours?”

She was willing to do almost anything when he called her baby. CJ’s mind flashed back to the first time, it was Christmas Eve. He made her a delicious dinner; they cuddled on the couch with George C. Scott’s version of A Christmas Carol, Leo’s favorite, and then made intense love. That moment was as perfect as this one was. Leo leaned back on the arm of the couch, taking CJ with him. She exhaled and curled her body into his. A comfortable silence fell as she wrapped her arms around his middle. They never minded the lack of words between them; sometimes it was preferred. Words ruled their jobs but when they were alone, they did not need them. They did not want them.

“Claudia Jean?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you really love me?”

She knew why he was asking and though it seemed crazy to have to explain being in love with someone using bullet points, she would do it if she had to. She would only do it once.

“I would never say something like that if it were not true. I think you know me better than that. We didn’t want to go there Leo, didn’t want our ‘thing’ to become something we could not handle. It was probably crazy for us to think spending as much time together as we did, and revealing ourselves, would not lead to developing feelings for each other. I am not marrying you because I am pregnant and need to solve a problem.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think you believe me.”

“I do. I just…what the hell does a wonderful girl like you see in someone like me? You could have your pick of any man and you chose me. Forgive me if that boggles my mind.”

CJ moved out of his arms, looking at him hard. Leo thought she looked angry and he flinched a bit under her stare. He did not want to fight.

“I love you dammit! I love your strength, your laugh, your eyes, your mind, your voice when you're sleepy, your faults and everything else about you. I don’t care if it seems improbable. Not everything is explainable to your satisfaction. This is not some random thing Leo…we have been involved for seven months and have known each other for almost three years. You don’t need to spin your wheels worrying about what I see in you. Just know that I see something.”

Leo nodded, pulling her back into his embrace. The idea that he would be able to hold her at the end of everyday filled him with joy. 

“There are going to be times, in the job, where we are at odds. I am your boss.” He said.

“We will fight each battle when we come to it, just as we always have. There is no point in anticipating a rift. Leo, you asked me to marry you. You didn’t have to do that. There are many solutions to this issue and you’ve picked one. If you don’t want to do this then we will find another way. Though I have to tell you, it is a damn dirty trick to ask me to marry you and then take it back.”

“You have no idea how much I want to do this.” 

“Then stop questioning it.” she took his face in her hands. “We are going to be just fine. Alright?”

“Alright.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” he kissed her forehead. “The President knows, CJ. I talked to him yesterday after I left you. He was shocked but fully prepared to stand by us.”

“I told Toby and he hung up on me. I will let him stew for a few days. I know he was upset but I don’t live my life for him. I hate it when we fight so I will fix it.”

“Should I…?”

“Absolutely not. I am asking you to stay out of that quagmire.”

“Alright.”

“I mean it.” she pulled away and looked at him. “I mean it Leo.”

“I know. I won't say a word unless it affects the job. Other than that, I am out of it.”

“Good. You know what I'm in the mood for?”

“Uh uh, tell me.”

“Chocolate cookie dough ice cream and a good movie. The thing is, I don’t have any ice cream.”

“How did I know you were going to say that? How far am I walking?”

“The little grocery is just two blocks up. They always have it but if they are out, bring me two Nestle chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches.”

“Yes ma'am.”

Leo got up from the couch. CJ lay back, pulling one of the overstuffed pillows close. He leaned down and kissed her lips.

“I’ll be right back. Shall I bring anything else?”

“Some Diet Coke and probably a bag of pretzels or something. I have been craving salty things all day.”

“You got it.”

“Thanks Leo.”

“You look better and I am happy about that.”

“I feel better. There is still long road ahead but I feel good about things. Don’t you?”

“Yeah.” He grinned.

“Good. Take the keys, they're on the kitchen counter.”

Leo went to the closet, grabbing his coat. Then he put his shoes back on and took the keys. CJ stared at her engagement ring as he left. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Her cell phone buzzed on the coffee table. Sighing when she saw who it was, CJ flipped it open.

“Hello.”

“I was out of line earlier. I probably said something I should not have.”

“Probably?”

“I think I had every right to be shocked.”

“I can concede that.”

They were quiet for a while. How many times had CJ listened to Toby breathe across phone lines? Usually it was thousands of miles between them and not mere blocks.

“Leo and I are going to get married. Yes, its sudden but it is the right thing to do. We love each other and I'm not sure I would ever have acknowledged that if I were not pregnant. Toby, I've been on birth control for like 15 years and I'm pregnant. Hell, a part of me was afraid I might never be with all that shit coursing through my bloodstream. The time is not ideal but if we all waited for the ideal time so many of us would miss our chance. This is my chance.”

“Do you really love him?” Toby asked. “Are you in love with him and prepared to say so in front of the press, the public, and eventually God?”

“Yeah. When Leo and I are together, I am content. I did not expect it to be him but it is and no one will make me think otherwise. This is not a shotgun wedding done out of guilt and obligation. OK, I can't even pretend it’s not a shotgun wedding…we have little choice in that matter.”

“OK.”

“Its not OK yet, but it will be.”

“He is about 20 years older than you.”

“Yeah, I did the math. Thank you, though.”

“All I want is your happiness, CJ. You know that; I think you know that. I am certainly not ready to embrace this and I don’t know when I will be. That does not mean I don’t…I care about you. I have your back and I will be there for whatever you need.”

“Junior needs a godfather and you're it. It means a lot to me that you are there for all the good times.”

“OK. I'm going to hang up now but I want to say goodbye first.”

“I appreciate that.” CJ replied.

“You really want to marry Leo McGarry?”

“Yeah Toby. We will talk some more on Monday.”

“Yeah. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

CJ hung up and let out the breath she was holding. Toby and the President…two big hurdles overcome. Josh, Sam, Donna, Charlie, and the rest of the staff would probably be much more agreeable. At least that’s what CJ hoped. Danny Concannon would be unbearable. The press would probably eat it alive but CJ planned to issue a statement and that would be the end. An interview in a top-notch magazine or with a TV journalist would be essential. She could handle that too.

She would be showing soon so a wedding had to take place before the summer. Hell, in the next few weeks, if it were possible. It would have to be a civil service. Unromantic yes, but necessary. Maybe they could have a photo op wedding after the baby came. If they could run the free world, this would be a cakewalk. They needed a place to live…CJ wondered how Leo felt about moving in with her at least temporarily.

There was no way was she moving into a hotel suite, even one as grand as the penthouse at the Watergate. Perhaps in the future they could purchase a home. She should probably be writing all of this down. There was time to work out the details though; other things required more immediate attention. Like her name…she liked the sound of CJ McGarry. Claudia Jean McGarry. CJ Cregg-McGarry. 

No, she never liked hyphenated names. She had enough damn names as it was. Her phone buzzed again and CJ looked at it. The gasp that came from her lips was unavoidable. Oh my God, so much had happened she had forgotten that it was not just people in DC who would be affected by this development.

“Hey daddy.”

“Hello, Claudia Jean. I got your message a few days ago. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you; I figured you were busy. How are you sweetheart? Jane Marshall watched your briefings on C-Span the other night and said you were just magnificent. And I ran into Lily Gaston in the market; she wanted me to say hello.”

CJ hated Lily Gaston and the feeling used to be mutual. Oh, how the mighty have fallen; Lily was the most popular girl at Dayton Valley High School. She married a corporate attorney and lived high on the hog, but the girl she called popsicle stick was now White House Press Secretary.

“Tell her I said hello. Daddy, I am doing alright but I need to talk you about some things that will be happening very soon.”

“Are you alright? Is this about the President?”

Just then, Leo walked back in and their eyes met. Her nervous features softened a bit and she even managed a smile. After this she was definitely going to have to get naked with him and release some of her anxiety.

“Daddy, this is a bit of a doozy, as grandpa used to say. I will do my best to explain it all to you. It’s going to get sticky somewhere in the middle, but here goes. Do you remember Leo McGarry, White House Chief of Staff…?”

***


End file.
